Have you ever stopped and thought about what your boundaries are? 

Do you find yourself working extra hours at work? 

Are you that person at the committee meeting who leaves with all the jobs because you couldn’t say no? 

Maybe you’re the one at home who does most of the chores. 

Perhaps you’re in a relationship that doesn’t represent a two-way street. 

Many of us will put up with things or give to others to keep the peace. 

At what price? The price of our own well-being.

Whatever our situation or circumstance, to lead a healthy, balanced and fulfilling life, we all need to be aware of our boundaries. More often than not, boundaries aren’t something that is adequately taught to us at school or at home. Often the people who raised us didn’t know their boundaries, and we’ve learnt from example just to put on a happy face and get on with it. Many of us have learnt to adapt to please others, sometimes at our own expense.

Because many of us are busy attending to the happiness of “others”, we may not know our boundaries. Is this familiar? 

Boundaries are important. In this blog, I wanted to take some time to identify what boundaries are, the cues to look out for, and what you can do to be mindful of and establish your boundaries.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are what make us feel safe, comfortable and in control. They may, in fact, help to keep us safe. 

We have outer physical boundaries and inner emotional boundaries. 

We are responsible for taking care of our boundaries.

Our physical boundaries are possibly the easiest to identify. For example, if someone enters your personal space, do you immediately feel uncomfortable? Why? Because someone has crossed your boundary.

The inner boundaries are not as obvious. Perhaps when someone speaks down to you and makes you feel uncomfortable, inadequate, or fearful, this is the crossing of a non-physical boundary.

What are the cues to look out for?

We all have the right to feel safe. 

Our bodies quickly let us know when we’ve reached our limits.

Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve had sweaty palms, clenched fists, or a squirmy tummy? 

These are all examples of the physical signals your body gives you when you’re uncomfortable and don’t feel safe.

Feelings of overwhelm or being controlled are emotional cues that your boundaries may have been crossed.

It’s up to you to be aware of these cues. From this point, you can decide if you need to assert your boundaries.

How to establish boundaries?

Ask yourself: ‘What’s important to me?’ 

Boundaries is another word for priorities. 

For example, if your boss constantly asks you to work overtime, which is impacting your home life, it’s up to you to define and clear your boundaries.

Understandably, this can be uncomfortable! 

Why? Because you’re putting your own needs ahead of others. This may be confronting when others think you’re being selfish. But that kind of thinking is on them. This, unfortunately, is often why we put up with things. When it comes to your own self-care, having personal boundaries will be noticed by you as increasingly and more obviously necessary. This will also, hopefully, become more important to those around you, personally and professionally. 

How to get help setting boundaries?

Although it can be challenging to establish and set your boundaries, the benefits to you personally will eventually be noticeably beneficial. 

Here are some simple ways to get started:

• Write down a short list of your top priorities.
• Take notice of over a week of things that are consuming your time. 
• Put yourself in situations where you’ll test your boundaries.

I’m a qualified Equine Assisted Learning (EAL) practitioner, and my horses and I offer a safe space to test your boundaries.

How can EAL assist with knowing and establishing boundaries?

Horses, by nature, quickly establish where they fit in to their herd. They do this to feel safe. 

When we humans come into the company of a horse, we’ve entered their herd. They will test your boundaries by doing things like entering your personal space and may give you a nudge. This may make you feel uncomfortable, but as you step away from the horse, they have discovered your boundary.

An experience like this helps us to discover and set our boundaries. We become aware of our innate need to feel comfortable and in control. Often in life, we don’t get this opportunity. Therefore, being in the company of horses is both empowering and enriching. We discover our personal power. We find ways to gain control in our lives.

Would you like to learn more about how EAL can help you set boundaries in your life?

My herd and I can offer you the opportunity to test your personal boundaries in a safe and no judgement setting.

If you’d like to know more, please send me an email, and I will get in contact with you.