Being in your calm state is the emotional regulation that allows presence, mindfulness, gratitude and feeling content. But life happens and having the ability to be in command of our emotions is often challenging.
There are so many things in our lives that may build into a mini-tornado or explosion of emotion. Or perhaps withdrawing is your go-to. It’s a very individual experience for each of us. We are doing what we need to do in the moment to get us through.
Emotions during challenging times
At the time of writing this, we have unprecedented, extensive flooding, largely in the eastern states of Australia, when in the not-too-distant past, we endured destructive bushfires and, for many, droughts. For others, it may be a fabulous year on the farm with a promise of a bumper year for the first-time following years of drought.
Feelings of loss, powerlessness, despair and overwhelm often push aside our small moments of happiness and joy. Contentment in our lives may seem so out of reach right now.
Often, what happens in our rural areas is reflected in our towns and cities. The resulting strain is just as palpable for each individual and their community. How we deal with this depends on our own personal resources and those in our family and community.
I can only imagine how the pressure is felt by those sitting their final school exams during this turbulent time. Family and friends’ expectations about what you will achieve or do when you leave school can weigh heavy. The big question: Am I enough? Well, yes, you are.
So, let’s ask a question:
How often do you have a “moment” when you just let go of your emotions and express yourself?
It happens to us all. When something happens in our day, and a build-up of stress, anger, fear, sadness and even joy cuts loose. This may have been building for a while or just in your day-to-day. Sometimes this is in private, sometimes not. Sometimes you feel safe to do this, and sometimes you don’t. When I say “safe”, I mean physically and/or emotionally. Are you with people who can hold space for you when you have your “moment”, or are you alone where you can take the time and care you need for yourself?
What did your “moment” look like, and what did you do then?
Was it a good belly laugh, angry outburst, throwing something, tears of joy or sadness, a happy dance, or something less demonstrative like withdrawing, walking/running, gardening, patting the dog or hanging with your horse, or maybe yarning to a mate?
Maybe you can’t recall what happened to make you have your “moment”. Let’s focus on the here and now and how to self-regulate so you can get back to “normal” function.
So, what is this “normal” state?
In EAL, the Cycle of Experience ends with “return to grazing”. A state of calm has resumed where you can think, respond and act to get on with what you need to in the moment.
Some of us find this easier than others. If you find yourself or someone needing support, try to be kind and wait until the storm subsides, as it will.
“When we trust that we are the ocean, we are not afraid of the waves.” Quote by Tara Brach.
How can EAL assist with social-emotional regulation?
Horses show their feelings by yawning, snorting, neighing (taking an outbreath), grazing, playing, hanging out with the herd, moving around at various gaits, prancing, and having a roll.
When horses become anxious or alert by a perceived danger to themselves or their herd, they will show this by moving their body, snorting, looking alert, and possibly running away. Then, when they sense the danger is reduced or passed, they will reduce this activity and eventually return to grazing as this is their way of showing the event is passed, and they can get on with what they need to in the moment.
Horses model this experience for humans beautifully and can support us in co-regulation with them.
Would you like to learn more about how EAL can help you with your own social-emotional development?
My herd and I can offer you support to develop your own strategies in a safe and no judgement setting.
If you’d like to know more, please send me an email, and I will get in contact with you.
If any of this raises issues for you, please don’t hesitate to contact your GP or mental health professional. Help is available.
Lifeline 13 11 14, Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636. Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800,
Bush Support Line 1800 805 391